So Joe…

Having to deal with over 200 recalled laptop batteries, I found a disturbing problem with the recall procedure. Should dell recall their recall? I work for a university with a student laptop program that is currently using Dell Latitude laptops. As luck would have it, over 200 of our laptops were affected by the recent Dell battery recall. Though it took a while, Dell was finally able to get the batteries to us in bulk (thank goodness we didn’t have to fill out their webform over 200 times!).

The new batteries arrived in boxes roughly one cubic foot in size, and inside each is 10 smaller boxes, each containing a battery. Each small box also contains a return label, instructions, and a ‘plain white seal’, which is basically a blank sticker. The idea is that you put your ‘bad’ battery back in the small box and ship it prepaid back to Dell. The instructions stress that ‘Only one battery is permitted per container. Boxes containing more than one battery will not be accepted’. I wonder what happens to those boxes?

Anyway, step number one is to acknowledge that their “is a pre-paid return postage label which is addressed to Dell for this return” included in the shipping box. OK, thought about it and I understand. Step number two is to remove the replacement battery from the shipping box and then unwrap it from it’s plastic bag and replace it with the ‘defective’ battery which then goes back into the shipping box. One comes out, one goes back in and back into the box, done. Step number three is to put the included pre-paid return postage label which is addressed to Dell onto the box. Peel and stick and done. You also need to use the plane white ’seal’ to seal the box. Peel and stick and done again. Step number four is to ensure that the box is securely taped and sealed to prevent it from breaking open during shipment. Hmm, in the last step I used their seal to seal the box, so you’d think this would be covered. Finally step number five is to place the package in any U.S. Postal Service mailbox.

So, one down, 206 to go. Thankfully I have student help to assist with such mundane matters, so over the span of a few days a few of them spent some time removing good batteries, inserting defective batteries, and applying stickers. All the boxes got stacked up to await their departure. Walking by the stack, I couldn’t help but notice that the ‘plain white seal’ on many of the boxes was coming loose. That plain white seal isn’t a very ’sticky’ sticker, and doesn’t do a good job holding the box shut. Now I understand why step number four suggests that the box is ’securely taped and sealed’. The problem is that the implication of including the sticker is that you can use it to secure the box, and if you’re just doing one of these, or a few, you might not have it around long enough to notice that the seal isn’t doing it’s job and that additional tape is required. By the time the sticker comes unstuck, the battery is in the shipping process, and now ‘exploding’ batteries are falling on the ground (I know, they don’t explode, but I’ve heard many people describe them as such, and it’s so much more fun to say!).

So, Dell recalled over 4 million batteries because they weren’t doing their job right (most laptops aren’t meant to be used or stored in a ‘flaming’ state). They send out a package to fix the situation, but the contents of the package aren’t doing their job right. Thousands, possibly millions of packages with defective batteries could pop open during their return shipment in the mail. What happens when a defective battery falls three or four feet onto a solid surface? Should Dell recall the recall packages? I don’t know the answer to this. My solution is to get my minions to put some packaging tape on each box to assure it doesn’t pop open. Then it’s off to cram all the local mail boxes full of hundreds of exploding batteries. Jeez, that doesn’t sound so good, maybe I need a plan B…