So Joe…

Rape is certainly not a topic to make light of, but after my experiences with Hewlett Packard in recent times, it’s the word that comes to my mind. Perhaps ‘Fiscal Rape’ would be the best way to qualify it. It’s a nickle-and-diming attitude, but involves thousands of dollars. Here’s my story.

A few years back my organization was in need of an oversize scanner, and we had a pot of money that had to be spent quickly or we’d loose it. We looked at a few of the various models available at the time, and liked the look of the HP DesignJet 4200. It had an attached touchscreen computer that could scan the documents (up to 42 inches wide) and save them to a CD (or USB device, or even a network drive). We’ve been happy with HP printers, so it seemed like a no brainer.

It wasn’t until after we received it and got it up and running that we learned about the maintenance on such a device. The bulbs have what seems like a short life time, and the glass plate that the scan head looks through wears much quicker than you’d think. Of course HP knows this, and like many vendors of expensive equipment, offers a service contract. The service contract would give us next day service to do whatever was necessary to keep it in good running order.

I requested a quote on a service contract. We have one in place for one of our plotters, and though expensive, we’ve learned it’s a necessity when you need to keep your hardware up and running. I got the quote back from HP, and it’s been a while now, so I don’t recall the amount to the dollar, but it was in the $4K to $5K range. For a scanner. Per year. Granted, it’s a $15K scanner, but to pay 1/3rd it’s value each year to keep a scanner running? I just couldn’t stomach that. By comparison, our plotter (non-HP) cost around the same amount to purchase, and is far more complicated as far as maintainability, but it’s service contract is in the $1500-$2000 range.

I searched out my options, and found that the ‘maintenance kit’, which replaces the lamp, glass plate, and a few other minor parts, cost around $1000, mostly because they required a technician to install it. I’ve watched the process a few times now, and the only reason the typical end user couldn’t replace these parts is because HP didn’t want them to. The design is deliberately complex, requiring the removal of most of the outer skin (at least 1 dozen screws, some in unexpected places, most with unusual head types requiring abnormal tools) to access the parts. An abomination like this wouldn’t have made it past stage one of chassis design at Dell.

Anyway, estimating the use we’d have, I calculated we’d need two maintenance kits a year to keep it running. Even at the astronomic rate they charge for less than $50 of parts, that’s less than half the price of the service contract, so I decided to go that route. We’d order the replacement kit a bit before it was needed to help eliminate down time.

This worked fine until the CDRW drive in the touch screen computer failed. I called HP about having it serviced (now out of warranty) and was told that they wouldn’t replace the drive in it, they just replace the entire unit. I believe it was a bit over $2000 for a refurbished unit, or $3000 for a new one. Now I was brought up with an appreciation for what a dollar is worth, and I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I spent $2000 to fix a broken CDRW drive, so I cracked the case open myself (nothing to loose at this point), and found that it’s a plain old laptop CDRW drive, and we even had a matching one in an old computer we were going to surplus. Swapped the replacement in, presto fixo, back up and running, and still able to sleep.

Things go fine for a while longer until just recently, the scanner just won’t turn on one day. No lights, no fans, no nothing. We try a different outlet, we try a different power cord, nothing. I figure their’s a good chance that their is a fuse inside, and if we’re lucky, it just blew due to a spike in the powerline. So, after undoing the dozen or more screws with three different tools I reveal the power supply. Sure enough, their is a blown fuse in it. I remove the fuse and Google around a bit only to find it’s the rarest fuse on the planet. The only place I find that lists it as available is IC Electronic Components, who wouldn’t give me the time of day after three contacts (bad company, do not buy from them!). I asked HP support how much a fuse would cost, and they said they wouldn’t sell me a fuse, they’d send someone out to replace the power supply. What’s the point of the fuse if you have to replace the entire power supply?

I knew they’d charge an outrageous amount for this, so I looked for an alternative. I found a ‘comparable’ fuse with the same ratings, at the low low price of $1 each, so I tried it, and as soon as I plugged it in, POP. I could hear and smell the fuse had blown. This is a relatively rare device, not many were sold, and no one knows how to service it. From my previous experiences, HP has to get someone from 100 miles away to come look at it, and they won’t directly work with me, they have to go through HP or loose their license. I was out of options, and had to call HP.

I called HP support and as it turns out, it doesn’t much matter what is wrong with the scanner, because they charge a handy flat fee. $3,000 for a tech to come out the next day and fix whatever is wrong, $2,550 if you can wait 3 to 5 days. It could be a $25 part that plugs into a slot, and they want $2,550 minimum. My blood boils and I want to strangle someone, but what can I do? I have a $15,000 scanner that I need working, and they’ve got me by the balls. Oh, and to top it off, they charge $39 for a non-warranty service call (but they ‘gladly’ refunded it after I spent the $2,550 on the repair).

So, I’m awaiting the call from the field technician, I’ll add any interesting details to the comments, or will create another post if warranted. I can say without any hesitation that I will not purchase a large item like that ever again from HP. I find their support policies, which have supposedly improved, to be an insult. If you find yourself considering an HP product, remember my story. They’re certainly not the only vendor out their trying to screw you, but from my experience, their skills at bending you over, tying you up, and raping your ass are unmatched (again, I’m speaking in fiscal terms here, I have zero experience otherwise and hope to remain that way!). If you’ve had any similar experiences (keep it to fiscal now!), please share them below!